Chris and Jennifer have asked me to talk to them, and all of us, about what God says about marriage in Colossians 3:18 and 19: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Now instantly, most people in this room have their ire raised a little bit. There are several reasons for that.
1st, we’ve seen authority abused – notably in marriage. The second verse of the two expressly forbids that – but it is very true that many husbands have abused their authority.
2nd, we tend to distrust authority. We think that giving someone authority implies that they are intrinsically better than us – more valuable. We believe that the person in authority somehow earned it. Sometimes that is the case. Promotions at work, for instance, should be because you’re doing a better job than other people.
But that is not the case in marriage. Nor is it the case with God! Jesus is God. The Father is God. Yet, Jesus always submits to the Father – even though they are equals.
3rd, we tend to think authority exists for the happiness of the authority. We think this because most often, the person in authority gets what they want. But in the case of what God commands marriage to look like, there’s a massive difference: the person in authority is to use that authority for the happiness of the other person – not their own.
4th, these commands require that you both – and all husbands and wives – lose something. True, you will gain great happiness in marriage – but wives lose autonomy. They are no longer free to merely do as they please; they’re under authority. Husbands lose whatever it is that they want. In the command to love, they are to seek the happiness of their wives – not their own. Paul adds here – don’t be harsh with them. Why? Well, why does someone become harsh? Because they don’t get what they want. Chris and all the husbands here have lost the right to pursue what they want.
Even as we explore this, some of you are simply thinking, “well, I don’t want this sort of marriage. This is just bizarre.” And you’re right. This sort of living belongs to a completely different world. And living in this way is impossible for people living in this world.
Here’s the point of this text: wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives is a result of Jesus having transferred your citizenship from this world to his Kingdom (repeat).
Let’s look at what God has written here. These commands to husbands and wives flow out of what has already been said. Listen to God’s word from Col. 3: “If, then, you have been raised with Christ…”
There are 2 kinds of people, then. People that have been raised with Christ, and people that haven’t. What’s it mean to be ‘raised with Christ?’ Well, Jesus rose from the dead. And the rest of this verse says this: “seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”
In other words, people that are raised with Christ belong in Christ’s Kingdom. They belong in the presence of God. They are citizens of heaven. Those that aren’t raised with Christ belong outside of God’s presence. Outside of heaven. Being punished by the King – rather than enjoying his friendship.
If you are a member of Jesus’ Kingdom – a member of heaven – you will seek to obey Jesus’ commands about marriage.
How do you know if you are raised with Christ? Simple. The previous chapter tells us that it is ‘through faith in the powerful working of God.’ In other words, one becomes a citizen of heaven by trusting Jesus to make them one. And in the moment they trust God, God raises them to life. God adopts them into his family.
But we are sinners. We do not obey God. If any of us are honest, we know we don’t love him like we should. How does God give sinners heaven when they deserve punishment? Chapter 2 goes on to tell us that it is because he has, “forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.”
In other words, if any of you here trust in Jesus, God has already punished Jesus – past tense- for all of your sins. You have rebelled against God. To some degree, you continue to. But God has completely forgiven you, because he punished Jesus instead of you.
You are free from a guilty verdict and forgiven by God. You don’t grow towards being accepted by God. This isn’t about becoming better and better and being accepted by God – this is about God forgiving you on the basis of Christ’s death, period.
In other words, God forgives every sinner who trusts Jesus once and for all, through faith alone.
This means that you can never be good enough to enter Christ’s Kingdom. It means that you do not enter Christ’s Kingdom through becoming a better person. It means that you become a member of heaven because of Jesus death and resurrection, by trusting him.
To think that one enters heaven by being morally good enough to enter – to think that one enters heaven on the basis of partnering with Jesus and trying really hard to be good; by being transformed to being a better person – is to deny Christ himself.
So there are two types of people in this room. Some of you have been raised with Christ. You have trusted him and his rising from the dead to guarantee your entrance into his Kingdom. And he has already guaranteed it.
But some of you haven’t. You are either apathetic about Jesus –or you are trying to be ‘good enough’ to get to heaven.
Jesus’ is coming back to this world to be its King – and you are not a member of it. Yet. If you will trust the God who raised Jesus from the dead for it, he’ll make you a citizen of heaven – of the Kingdom of Christ – right in the moment you trust him to.
Why is this pertinent to marriage? Well, God has given you specific commands regarding a Christian marriage. And they’re impossible to obey. Unless you see that they don’t stand alone – but flow out of this command, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on things that are on earth.”
In other words, living like God wants you to in marriage is the result of remembering and focusing on the fact that Jesus died for your sins, rose from the dead, and is Lord of everything that exists. It’s the result of remembering that through that he’s earned your entrance into heaven.
Chris and Jennifer, as you seek Jesus – as you are focused on him and his reign and his Lordship and his glory – you will, Jennifer, give up your autonomy; Chris, give up your desires – and both work together to act as servants of Jesus Christ.
Scripture tells us exactly why you should seek to act as members of Christ’s Kingdom. Listen. “Because you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, you will also appear with him in glory.”
Everyone who believes in Jesus then – your old self is dead. Your new self – the new heart you have that obeys Jesus - is a reality because Jesus rose from the dead. Your new self will be fully revealed when Jesus returns to this earth to rule over it and to set up his eternal Kingdom.
Everything in you that is stained by rebellion against God, he’ll completely take away, and you will love Jesus perfectly forever.
Jennifer – as you seek Christ; as you remember how his death has forgiven all of your sins, as you remember that he is returning to rule his world, you will submit to Chris.
Chris – as you seek Christ, as you recall that God punished him instead of you and that you’re free from punishment and that he’s returning so that you can serve him fully, you’ll love Jennifer well.
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