Some thoughts regarding the Marriage and Obesity Article from CBMW

I recently posted in article from the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood regarding the relationship of marriage, obesity, and proper body care. You can scroll down for the original article. A quite lengthy discussion ensued.

And this discussion raised a lot of … emotions, didn’t it? It’s a touchy subject – and I think our emotions about it have run deep because this issue affects how we think about ourselves and our closest relationships.

So some passion is understandable. I want to suggest, at the outset, that much of what has been discussed has been based on assumptions – it hasn’t necessarily addressed the article as such, but rather the inferences that we made and the feelings we have about it.

So, in response to this discussion, I want to make a series of observations from Scripture, in reference to the article, and in application to Christ’s Church. (To those of you who followed the discussion on Facebook, this is not the 'theology' about which I spoke - merely a response to the discussion.) I hope this is helpful to your walk with Jesus.

1. Justification

One’s acceptableness to God is not determined by their physical fitness nor attractiveness. God forbid. But nowhere does the article imply anything like that.

Our right standing with God is also not determined by the ‘rightness’ of our hearts, since our hearts are wicked (Jer. 17:9) and we are unrighteous before God (Rom. 3:10-12). Our right standing before God is based solely on Jesus’ righteousness (Phil. 3:8-9) received by faith in him apart from works (Rom 3:28).

This article assumes the right standing of those who trust Christ. It is not advocating justification by fitness or attractiveness. That’s an absolutely absurd notion. But justification by the goodness of one’s heart is an impossibility as well. We must all look to Christ for our right standing – we can’t stand right before God, in whole or even in part – only Jesus can.

Be very careful here. You need to not have a knee jerk reaction when you feel a certain way – you misrepresent what people have said. Be very careful, also, that you not believe that your right standing is on the basis of your godliness! I don’t want to belabor the point – but it is vital that you get this: right standing is on the basis of the righteousness of Christ plus nothing, received by faith in Christ. Your heart is not good. Jesus’ is. When you see the glory of God, you will not enter his kingdom on the basis of your heart – but on the basis of Christ’s heart in your place, if you have trusted in him.

2. The place of obedience in the Christian life

That said, that doesn’t mean that we can do whatever we want. Just because our entry into Christ’s kingdom is based on Christ’s righteousness and not ours does not mean we can fail to pursue obedience. (Rom. 6:1-4; Phil. 2:12-13) It means quite the opposite.

Obedience does not mean being a supermodel, and the article says nothing of the sort. But obedience to God does have ramifications in terms of how we treat our bodies, as we shall see.

3. The idolatry of body image

One way that we can sin against God is to worship our bodies or what other people think of our bodies. Essentially, what happens, is that we become concerned about what people think about us (John 12:42-43, and we treasure things that belong to this world (Matt. 6:19-21) – a world which is going away.

We all know the things that those sorts of things lead to. The article doesn’t deny this. It just isn’t about these issues. They are not a small matter; they are the result of sin. Jesus deserves our worship – our bodies do not. People also do not. Jesus does. Period. Working out should not be god. Peoples’ opinions of how you look should not be god. And that’s because Jesus IS God.

If this is a struggle for you, you need to repent. Get your sin out in the open in the presence of some trusted friends, and have them help you, thanking God that you’re forgiven in Christ.

4. The idolatry of food

Here’s another thing we can worship instead of God – food. I’m reminded of the sentence in Philippians 3:19: “their god is their belly.”

Gluttony is bad (Proverbs 23:20-21).

I was just flipping through a cookbook, and there was a whole section on ‘comfort food.’ That is nothing less than the advocating of idolatry. I’ll return to why in a second.

Now, it’s certainly not wrong to enjoy food. As a matter of fact, if you control what you eat so much that you don’t enjoy food, you’re probably in sin, either trying to justify yourself by harsh treatment of your body, or refusing to enjoy and thank God for what he’s given, or because you’re worshiping your body and what people think of you.

But – God is our Comforter. God is our delight. God is our treasure. Food is not. You treat food like it is your comfort, your delight – you are worshiping an idol. If you spend a ton of time thinking about food, coveting food, desiring food, meditating what the next meal will be – you are worshiping food, not God.

If you don’t stop eating when you’ve had enough, if you are wasting God’s time eating food that you don’t need, if you are not using food for the glory of God, it’s using you, and you are worshiping an idol.

To be honest, I struggle here. Now, I usually eat healthy, and I do work out – but I have people holding me accountable in this area – because it is easy for me to make food into a god – usually for comfort or just as a waste of time.

Now, the article had to do with how we treat our bodies because that affects how we look. Granted, there is not a one-to-one correlation here. Not everyone on the same diet will look the same, and we shouldn’t automatically judge people as gluttons or anorexics based on how they look.

But the sin here we’re dealing with is idolatry – worshiping food. Regardless of how it affects how we look, this is a sin that needs to be taken seriously.

And it’s not as if this sin is the swinging of a pendulum to the ‘other side’ – where the one side is body-image issues and control. At the root, these things are the same – Jesus isn’t being worshiped, something else is. We all need to root the sin out and worship Jesus.

5. The superiority of godliness to physical attractiveness

1 Peter 3 exhorts women to focus on inner adornment – a gentle, quite, submissive spirit – as greater than how they look physically. Obviously. The article does not deny this, and it says nothing in which inner godliness is diminished.

But to say that godliness has no connection to making ourselves look good to our spouses (or future spouses), is wrong. See my next point.

6. The importance of physical attractiveness

Read Song of Songs. Do you realize that almost everything Solomon says to the Shulammite is about her physical appearance? And that much of what she says to him is also about physical appearance?

And that, in the picture that marriage is of Christ and the Church, the Bride is beautifully adorned? (Eph. 5:21ff; Rev. 21:9ff)

Now certainly, some of what constitutes beauty is culturally conditioned, and there are indeed different body types – I will never be tall! (Or even of average height!) And as we move towards physical death, our bodies change. However, there are many things you can do out of love for your spouse for the glory of God in making yourself a delight to the senses. And you should.

And these should not be done in fear (see the next point) but in love.

Let me suggest this- perhaps, far too much time is spent in considering how we look to people that are NOT our spouses. And perhaps you don’t seek to please your spouse with your looks enough. Perhaps the way you look should primarily be to serve your spouse!

Loving your spouse means seeking their happiness – and part of that is how you look.

Or let me put it another way – your job is to please your spouse. Not from fear, but from love. Both men and women. That should be something we work for. We should work to make ourselves look good to our spouses (or future spouses) not in exclusion to inner qualities – but as a result of and corresponding to those inner qualities.

This is not easy and it is not intuitive. But it is holy and good and we should do it.

EDIT: In saying this, I'm not stating that we should be placing demands on our spouses! Far from it. I'm saying that you should be working to please your spouse, not that you should be forcing your spouse to work for you.

7. The unconditional nature of a husband’s love

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church…” (Ephesians 5:25). The husband doesn’t get an out from this. His love for his wife should not be conditioned on how she looks.

And that includes if she sits around eating chips and brownies all day, doing nothing but watching TV.

It also means that he should love her regardless of how she treats him. If she publicly humiliates him, disrespects him, degrades him, and is constantly trying to usurp his authority in the household – he is still to love her, period.

The article says nothing different. To run with the inference that a wife’s not making herself look good for her husband somehow causes him to commit adultery is wrong.

But do you think a husband’s responsibility here is easy? Do you think there are things that a wife can do that make his responsibility to love her hard? Men are more visual than women, and a man will often take his wife’s care for her appearance for him as a measure of respect and love for him.

The fact is that women ‘letting themselves go’ does not cause their husbands to fail or to fall – but it sure isn’t helping them. And I’d hope that a wife’s desire to look good for her husband isn’t the result of fear of him committing adultery or getting addicted to porn – but that out of love she seeks to protect him from those things by making her body a delight to him.

And it goes the same way for men. Women – you are called to unconditionally submit to your husbands. Now, that is difficult, isn’t it? But what if your husband doesn’t make time for you? Doesn’t listen to you? Doesn’t treat you gently? Mocks you in front of his friends? Doesn’t love you? Doesn’t speak love to you?

It’s even harder, I’m sure. But you still have to do it – for the glory of Christ!

But ultimately – you don’t want your husband to act in an unChristlike manner. It makes your submission that much harder.

It boils down to this: failure to love your spouse is not an option; but there are things that you can do – both men and women – that make your spouse’s job harder or easier. They don’t cause his or her sin or obedience – but you can indeed help them and love them.

Part of how that should be done is intentionally, regularly, making an effort to make yourself look good for them and to them.

8. The connection of our physical bodies and spiritual lives

Ephesians 5:18-19 says this: “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart…”

What’s this passage got to do with this topic? Simply this – your physical body is connected to your spiritual life. You make your body drunk, it’s going to affect your walking in the Spirit.

But so will it be if you’re not in shape, if you don’t sleep enough, if you’re eating so that you live in an insulin coma – your walk with God is affected by how you treat your body.

So yes – you can make an idol out of fitness and/or appearance. Don’t do that. But, you should be treating your body in such a way as to make yourself a better, more able, servant of Christ. Do that.

9. Final thoughts

I understand how reading an article like this one from CBMW could raise some ire. It’s a touchy issue. But a lot of the ire raised had very little to do with the article’s actual content.

I think such a long discussion happened because it is a touchy and personal issue for so many of us. Perhaps we feel judged. Or perhaps we are touchy about how we look (I am, and I know how that feels). Or perhaps there are other fears. Perhaps we fear people reacting and idolizing body-image instead of idolizing food and laziness!

Let me suggest a few things when we read articles like this, even ones which misquote a couple verses.

1) Read the article for what it says.

2) Do not make inferences about what the article says based on how it makes you feel.

3) Do use biblical discernment.

4) Even if the article uses a verse or two incorrectly, make it your goal to heed what is sound in it...

5) …because the fact is, we all need a little rebuking. Our first reaction to an article like this should be to see how such a thing could sanctify us personally. To be humble, and to examine ourselves for sin so that we can repent –even if there are some things that are wrong in the article. We need to be learners and repenters – not people who are characterized by the seeking to critique sources of exhortation. We should seek to be applying exhortation, though with discernment.

For the glory of God.