I recently went to a marriage seminar. It was wonderful, filled with perceptive insight - and best of all - filled with more Scripture and less psychology.
But for some reason, the word 'submit' was still avoided. I've noticed this in the recently popular 'Love and Respect' material. Now, I don't want to knock that material. It's mostly very good.
To be fair, there is a verse that's translated, 'let the wife see that she respects her husband,'; but to be accurate, the word 'respect' there is the word used for 'fear' in terms of 'fearing God.'
So what about submission? God has said, "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (Eph. 5:29).
Note first, 'in everything.' That doesn't mean that a husband is JUST a spiritual leader. Hopefully he's spiritual. But he is to be a leader in all things.
But note also that submission is not merely a heart issue. But note first - it is a heart issue.
Note also that submission is supposed to reflect how the church submits to Jesus. How's that? Obedience. Yes, there is to be a heart attitude of reverence. But a wife needs to do what the church does when having a hard time with the commandments. Confess sin, praise God for the gospel, and obey in the Spirit for the glory of Christ.
And to back that up - 1 Peter 3:5-6: "for this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham"
So, ladies...
This is a hard message. But someone needed to say it. Respect is good, but it's not the whole story.
And, ladies, you can't do this. But Jesus has forgiven your sins and given you his Spirit. Walk in him.
And for the record, I still think men have a harder job (suffering for their wives' happiness in Christ - at least wives have no explicit suffering in their roles!)
...and husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and allowed sinners to put nails in his hands and feet and a spear through his side, who descended into sheol that we might live.
ReplyDeleteA wise man once told a young man who was getting married that his wife's submission to him was his responsibility. Love your wife, he said, and convince her that you love her, and she will WANT to submit to you. If you fail to convince her that you love her, she will not trust you. She will not believe that you have her best interests at heart, and she will chafe under your authority. But exercise your authority for her benefit, for her edification and for her building up - then she will trust you and will want you to lead her.
Yes, wives are to submit to their husbands, and this is not qualified in any way. In fact, it is, "in everything" as you said. But they must WANT to submit, because it IS a heart issue.
And it is only possible for them to WANT to submit if we first prove to them that we love them.
Of course, that ring on their finger is a good place to start.
While you're absolutely right about the roles of husbands, I don't think that call is failing to be sounded. The call to wives to submit, however, is.
ReplyDeleteOne point of contention: there's a common thought process in which we've asserted that if a man is loving his wife as Christ loves the Church (which will never happen), then the wife will submit.
No. And no, it will not be her 'natural inclination' to submit. She, like we, has indwelling sin. Sure, there will be part of her that wants to act in a holy manner. But it is reductionistic to assert that a woman with a loving husband will just want to submit.
It is indeed a heart issue. And both men and women have deceitful hearts.
It is only the transforming gospel of Jesus that can make a woman an obedient, Christian woman. And a husbands role in marriage is to show his wife that glorious gospel.